A while back, Zack and I decided to throw all of Fenix Gear, as it’s been done so far, online. We did it in the hopes of maybe returning to it when issue 5 had run its course. Well, the course has been run, and return to it we have… to say goodbye. With a heavy heart, I want to announce that we have created 5 new pages that have effectively shut the door and said goodbye to the girls, perhaps forever.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Zack and I worked on these pages right now. Speaking personally, my life has changed recently, and Fenix Gear was a huge part of the life I’m leaving behind. Since I first conceived Fenix Gear in… oh jeez, I think it was 2000, it has grown and changed with me. It has been a piece of me. I suppose it always will be, because ending this strip felt a lot like I was letting them, Zoe, Leylie, and Carolyn, down. A lot of the choices I’ve made in life were made in the hopes that I could bring the girls with me and take Fenix Gear to a satisfying conclusion. To make an animated TV show or an epic-long comic run or something. But things change and for the immediate future, that is not to be.
So why end it? I suppose because it’s better than letting it hang in limbo with a cryptic final few pages, and instead, giving it the respect of an ending. It may not be the ending I “wanted”, but, seriously, I’m not sure I even really ever wanted it to end. Fenix Gear has always been a phantom, whispering to me tales of adventure, struggle and triumph over all odds. Because if they can do it, so can I.
I’d like to say I don’t need them anymore, but I do. I’d like to say I’m happy that it’s over, but I’m not. I’d like to say I plan to return to it very soon, but I don’t know if that’s true. All I can really say is…
… It was all worth it. Every good and bad choice I ever made, for fun or adventure or for smaller selfish reasons. So many doors in my life unlocked because of Fenix Gear. Unlife wouldn’t exist without it. My relationship with my wife wouldn’t exist without it. I wouldn’t be me without it. So I suppose I’ll never be without it, because it’s given me so much. But what it used to be and the dreams I had for it are from another part of my life, and that part has come to a close. And with it, so must Fenix Gear. For now, at least.
And like with Fenix Gear, I’m not sure where to stop typing or how to end this. So I’m just going to end it with a thank you to everyone who supported Fenix Gear and helped it become what it is today, especially Zack Turner, who saw something in it and brought out the beauty I always knew it had. And to Zoe, Leylie and Carolyn:
I love you. You are my friends, my daughters, my first loves, and for a while, my everything. Thank you for everything you’ve given me and still give me to this day. Know that you will live forever, perhaps not online or on paper, but in my heart and imagination.
Goodbye, my friends. I hope I’ll see you again soon…
Please let it be soon.